Dog inheritance

Dear Mom,

While reading the news today, I came across this story about a dog who inherited $12 million dollars. What interested me was this portion:

It quoted an affidavit from Carl Lekic, the general manager of the Helmsley Sandcastle Hotel, which said $2m would be enough for twice the dog's life expectancy.

He put the annual expenses at $190,000, the Post said.

Mom, you have been holding out on me. I may be a dog and think of money in terms of pieces of cheese, but I know that you have not been spending anywhere near that much on me. I'm afraid I'm going to request an audit of your finances should the following conditions not be met ASAP:

1. As I have previously mentioned, the backyard does not contain any natural bodies of water. I am not fooled by the Giant Water Dish. I require a river, a lake, and an ocean, so that I have my choice of places to take a refreshing dip. It is hot here in Lower Alabama, you know.
2. Furthermore, I will no longer accept your excuses as to the absence of the motorcycle with dog sidecar I requested after seeing the Biker's Ball Mardi Gras Parade in February.
3. Lest you think I am obsessed with consumption, I also demand that you put a sizable portion of my annual upkeep towards various groups related to helping animals - particularly the Haven at Fairhope, the Animal Rescue Foundation, Maddie's Fund, and the St. Francis Guild at church.
4. Perhaps also you could establish an endowment or scholarship fund that would enable you to stipulate that you get to take Moi to work with you every day. I also would like to serve as the Jaguar Spirit Dog and dance with the Prowlers during next year's Basket Ball season.

Are we clear?

Love,

Beckett